Memories
by BlingBling021
Summary: You stuck up prick. Why did you have to change everything? I was so happy, even if nothing was actually going on between us. Now all I have are my memories of how things used to be to live on. Does it have to be this way? Yaoi SetoJou Please R


Man, why am I writing all this angst lately? At this rate I'll -never- be able to continue 'Discovered, Not Found'. I had to write this for some reason; I went into a Trapt-happy phase. The lyrics are from the Trapt song 'Stories', and this is based on the second time I ever had a crush. I know I should've been writing a lemon for 'Never Meant To Be', but it's hard. -_- ;; I just don't have the writing skills, so it might take a little bit longer. I'm sorry.  
  
Disclaimer: not mine  
  
Warnings: Seto/Jou YAOI, erm, and maybe an unhappy ending  
  
This fic should probably be pretty short, 2 or 3 chapters long.  
  
Please read and review.  
  
&^&^&^&^&^&^&^&^&^&^&^&^&(Joey's POV)  
  
Hey everyone. Just here with a little update on my life at the moment.  
  
It -sucks-.  
  
But you probably knew that, I mean, -everyone- has their stupid little real- life soap operas to whine about. So why are you even bothering to listen to me? What's so special about -my- emotional drama? Oh, I actually -matter- all of a sudden?  
  
~II found a line and then it grew  
  
I found myself still thinking of you/I~  
  
It's really sad, you know, that I've actually resorted to talking to you, you stupid journal. Am I really that desperate?  
  
. . . . . . Yeah, guess I am.  
  
Well, if -he- hadn't gone and been such a--, a--, a -prick-, this wouldn't have happened! He just -had- to keep egging me on!  
  
Okay, random thought here, but I really don't like the word 'egging'. It makes me think about eggs and throwing them at cars, which makes me think of Halloween, which makes me hungry for candy. I am -not- too old to go trick-or-treating, shut up!  
  
Now what was I talking about? Oh yeah. How this stupid thing got started. 'This stupid thing' being this damn assignment.  
  
Why do -you- care about what happens to me, Mrs. Yamaguchi?! You nosy fake old--  
  
Heh, probably should erase that. And the cuss words.  
  
Oh shit, I'm writing in pen!  
  
Shit, I wrote a bad word again!  
  
-Damn-!  
  
Okay, calm down Joey. Rip out the page, and start over again. . . . but I already wrote a lot. I'm not writing that over again! The page stays!  
  
Hmph.  
  
How much time do I have left before my dad gets home? Still an hour or so; good.  
  
I should start writing now.  
  
What am I supposed to say again? Oh, right.  
  
I am to 'explain how the events in my life effect the people around me, and tell about the grounds on which my actions were justified'.  
  
What the -hell- does -that- mean? I freakin' gave the guy a bloody nose. Why do I have to write a book about it? Like this hasn't happened multiple times before!  
  
All I have to say is:  
  
Seto Kaiba is a bastard and pissed me off, so I gave him a warning to stay away in the form of pain.  
  
There. Happy?  
  
No, of course you aren't.  
  
I don't have time for you insatiable people.  
  
Maybe if you had cared three years ago, when I was still a naive, love struck Freshman, you could've gotten your juicy details.  
  
Well, guess what?  
  
Those days are over, pal.  
  
-Finished-.  
  
~II felt so empty and now I'm fine  
  
But still it's burning when will you be mine?/I~  
  
By the way, thank you for dragging up such painful memories. Why don't you just give me a paper cut and pour lemon juice on it?  
  
Idiot.  
  
Crappit, now you're all drooly for the inside story on my past, aren't you?  
  
No, you're not.  
  
But I guess if I have to fill up this whole fricking notebook, I might as well.  
  
You know, it actually might be good to get it off my chest.  
  
But I had -better- get an A+ on this.  
  
*Ahem* Now, where to begin? Ack, it's too long a story. And I sound British or something when I say 'begin'. Let's try that over.  
  
*Ahem* Now, where to start? Much better. Okay, I guess we'll jump in about halfway through my first year of high school.  
  
Damn, that means I have to come right out and say it then.  
  
*Gulp* Okay. . . . I was in love with Kaiba. There! I admitted it! If you're laughing right now Mrs. Yamaguchi, you'll get a lot worse than a teensy little bloody nose coming! I swear it!  
  
~IToo much of the same stories in our lives  
  
I think it's time for change, don't you?/I?~  
  
So anyway, I was totally obsessed with the guy. His looks, his smarts, even his mysterious personality Ra forbid it.  
  
Mental note to self: stop hanging around Yami.  
  
Oh Kami-sama, you had better not be reading this, Kaiba. Hell, -no- one should ever read this. I'm getting a new notebook!  
  
But if I went out right now, I might not get back before dad gets home. Grr. *Sigh* As long as I've started this, I might as well finish it.  
  
Well I was head over heels for Kaiba, and I think he liked me too, actually. But maybe that was just a figment of my imagination.  
  
Seeing my luck when I'm -not- dueling, that would be just the kind of thing my mind would do.  
  
Stop right there, I don't want to go on a depressed trip.  
  
~IToo much of the same stories in our lives I think it's time for us to walk away from here/I~  
  
Yeah Kaiba, did you know that you could make me depressed? Did you know that you could make me the happiest guy on Earth when you wanted to? Bet you didn't.  
  
No one did.  
  
You just had to stretch me to my limit, ever so slowly.  
  
Why?  
  
What did -I- ever do to -you-?  
  
Besides annoying the hell out of you, I mean. But you -deserved- that, you provoked me!  
  
Stop! -Happy- memories now! This is supposed to be -pre- asshole era. *Sigh*  
  
~IStories in our lives, we keep them all inside/I~  
  
Heh, I remember this one time when Yugi brought in pizza for the entire homeroom because it was his birthday. You were passing out the plates, and purposely skipped me! I had to chase you around the room multiple times to get one; it was so much fun.  
  
Dang, we flirted a lot that day. Or maybe I was the only one flirting. Whatever. But you kept stopping right in front of me and walking really slowly, and I had to kick you in the ankles to make you walk faster. I got in trouble, but I think that was the first time I actually saw you smile.  
  
Yup, you may deny it, but you smiled all right. I saw it for the split second your head was turning around, before your eyes focused on me and you quickly morphed it into a sneer.  
  
Ah, that memory always makes me feel better. Not that I'm a sentimental old lady or anything, everyone likes to reminisce -some-time or other.  
  
*Sigh* It was complete bliss whenever I was around you that year. Yeah, we snapped at each other a lot, and fought constantly, but you -had- to have known that there was more to it than that.  
  
You -had- to have known that I loved you.  
  
~INow look at me still in your mind  
  
Our memories so intertwined/I~  
  
'Seto and Joey', I thought it would be the match made in Heaven.  
  
-Wow- I'm stupid.  
  
As you were kind enough to inform me countless times.  
  
Eh, I shouldn't be getting mad yet. Let's see, the Sophomore year, I was still pretty in love with you. Only that year was a little weird for some reason. The last year we had bickered every day, but this one I barely remember talking to you at all.  
  
Still, I managed to stalk you enough that I didn't go crazy from lack of interaction, and I think you still liked me, but it still felt. . . . odd.  
  
Ergh, there I go with British words again. Give me a different synonym for 'weird', here!  
  
How about. . . . uncanny? Nope, that sounds British too. I'm a bad ass punk, for crying out loud!  
  
Bizarre.  
  
There. I like that word. Sounds cool.  
  
. . . . but it still felt. . . . bizarre.  
  
Hee, much better.  
  
Okay, uhm, I'm kinda drawing a blank for examples here. Well, there was this time when you actually complimented me on something (horrifying for you, I know). Can't remember what it was, but you actually said something nice, and I think I played hard to get.  
  
Yeah, I made a face at you and rolled my eyes. You looked kinda. . . . hurt.  
  
Kami I regret that so much.  
  
*Sigh*  
  
I've been sighing a lot lately, haven't I?  
  
Guess I -am- in for that bout of depression.  
  
On to Junior year.  
  
Now -those- were good times. Not necessarily times I spent with -you-, but good times nonetheless. Me and the gang had so much fun that year being excessively immature, but I think that was when I started to get on your nerves.  
  
We spoke and fought less than ever, and you had been pissing -me- off too. I'll be honest, a good part of that was because you started to date Ryou, and I hated the poor guy with a passion for a while. In my mind, you weren't allowed to love -any-one but -me-; I was so selfish. But the other part of why I was angry was that you were gradually losing your love for life, or what you had of it to begin with anyway.  
  
Any time we would go somewhere with you, whether it be for school, a tournament, or just to hang out (that last one only occurred, like, -once- ), you would always act like you were too good to do whatever we were doing.  
  
You always stuck your nose up at us and proceeded to act like the stuffy jerk you are.  
  
I even caught you mumbling to yourself about what a moron I was, 'always so damn slaphappy, not a care in the world, having no idea what -real- life is like'.  
  
I was confused. I had been cemented on the hope that you still had a small crush on me, especially since Ryou had quickly been reclaimed by Bakura.  
  
At first I just ignored it, but it kept happening, and it scared me. What had I done wrong?  
  
Then, that day. . . . you said that you hated me.  
  
To my face.  
  
~*~  
  
"What's -your- problem, anyway?" Joey asked quietly, worriedly. Kaiba buried his head in his hands and pulled at his hair in frustration.  
  
"ARGH! Why don't you just go -away-, Wheeler?! Don't you -understand-?!" he snapped angrily. Joey took a step back.  
  
"U-understand what?"  
  
"That I -hate- you! Ra, have you totally missed this concept?! I! Hate! You!" Kaiba slapped Joey across the face and stormed away.  
  
Joey stared after him, raising a trembling hand to the red mark on his cheek. Tears filled his eyes.  
  
~*~  
  
I was shocked.  
  
So you had been mad at -me- for -being me- that whole time? Kami. . . .  
  
I couldn't help it.  
  
I went home and cried.  
  
I cried my heart out that night, but you'll never know that. And I don't plan on you ever knowing.  
  
And then, things just. . . . changed.  
  
~IWell you broke through and found your way  
  
And so did I no need to stay/I~  
  
Now, in Senior year, we can't keep our fingers off of each other's throats. I hate you, and you hate me. It's a widely known fact. . . .  
  
But my heart still aches.  
  
We fight almost constantly, our clashes rising to alarming physical levels as of late, and there is always a fire burning in your eyes.  
  
But I'm sad because I am no longer an important part of your life. In fact, I'm the exact opposite.  
  
You don't understand, Seto. I was so obsessed with you constantly for three years, and then to have everything just about-face, without ever even feeling your arms around me. . . . there is a hole in my life.  
  
A hole that no one but you will ever fill.  
  
Damn it, you made me cry again.  
  
I don't even know why I keep writing all these personal things in this stupid journal for a stupid teacher to read.  
  
If anyone reads this, it had better be you.  
  
Yeah, I changed my mind, got a problem? I want you to read this and maybe get a little peek into -my- feelings for once, instead of pushing every damn thing away from you.  
  
I hate you so much.  
  
So why do I still love you?  
  
^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^  
  
Joey closed the notebook softly, and wiped his eyes with the back of his hand.  
  
He heard the slam of the front door, which meant his father had returned from his evening clubbing. After padding over and locking the door to his room, he gently placed the black journal into the drawer in his small desk , turned down the light, and climbed into his bed.  
  
As he crawled under the covers, Joey reached under his pillow and brought out two pictures. One, the photo of his mother and sister, he hugged tightly before placing back.  
  
Turning his gaze onto the picture of cold-hearted Seto Kaiba, his eyes narrowed. He let out a low growl and flicked it off, then kissed it deeply before returning it to its resting place.  
  
~IIn the same old picture tried and true  
  
We've been through that let's look for something new/I~  
  
Joey settled down into the sheets and switched off the lamp, plunging his room into complete darkness.  
  
After a long while, he fell asleep, memories of a smiling brunette returning to haunt his dreams.  
  
@#@#@#@#@#@#@#@#@#@#@#@#@  
  
tbc?  
  
If you liked this at all, or even if you hated it, -please- review, because that's how I get the will to continue or improve my stories. 


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